Bygones (Series 1 – Spring 2018)

Bygones: Secret Affairs of Interoffice Figurines

In Memory of Mike Levy

Bygone: The Players

Starring: Nikola Tesla, Salvador Dali, Frida Kahlo, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, and Sir Isaac Newton


 

Series 1: Spring 2018

Three weeks to go in the term and the grading is getting a little out of hand. How will I ever get through this?

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I had better call in the reinforcements to help me scale this mountain. Telsa is organizing the troops. I may get through this yet. Wait, Beethoven. . .what are you. . .? Wait.

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Wait. . .no–NO!
By the way. . .never trust Beethoven, folks. He’s a real asshole.

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As the others whisk Tesla away to seek medical treatment, Beethoven is seized by Freud. With Dali standing guard, Beethoven plots his escape.

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Darwin draws on his time at University of Edinburg Medical School and consults with the good Dr. Freud who truly believes that Tesla will not pull through–and it has something to do with Tesla’s father. Given Freudian history, Einstein remains skeptical. But what of Newton and Kahlo?

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Salvidor Dali, unable to resist the wiles of Frida Kahlo, neglects his post. Newton seizes upon this distraction to show his true allegiance as he assists Beethoven in his daring escape from his prison! But was Kahlo complicit?

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Alas, Dr. Freud’s prognosis is proven wrong (imagine). Tesla awakes from his coma and, despite his acute amnesia, appears to be in good health. As Dali turns to continue his flirtations, he spots . . .what?

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#Newton invokes the power of his laws. He erects a zip line and he and #Beethoven fly to freedom and seek refuge in their very secret base to plot their next move.

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The rest can do nothing but watch . . . and wait.

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As the good Dr. Freud turns his attention to Tesla’s rehab, Salvador Dali continues his romantic advances toward the handsome Frida Kahlo. As things return to normal, Einstein and Darwin take the initiative to help grade a forgotten stack of essays that was left behind over the weekend.

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Little do they know that Beethoven and Newton lie in wait in their top secret base, plotting their revenge. To help, they turn to the works of Daniel Ruefman, for inspiration as they pursue poetic injustice!

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As Tesla’s recovery progresses, he rejoins the others. In the lull of end-of-semester activities, Freud notices Dali’s infatuation with Ms. Kahlo. “So,” Freud begins, “tell me about your mother…”

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Meanwhile Beethoven and Newton experiment with weapons-grade BBQ sauce away from the prying eyes of UN inspectors.

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As Dali continues his therapy with Dr. Freud, the other Bygones meet their match. “Where are the methods?” Einstein asks. “This almost looks like art…but with words?” Kahlo observes. The Bygones discover creative writing! Out of their element whatever will our heroes do?

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Meanwhile Beethoven and Newton bide their time.

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Is there anyone out there who can save the Bygones and grade this creative writing before Beethoven and Newton strike? Anyone?

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Just as the Bygones are about to give up all hope that they will ever solve this riddle of creative writing, a new band of misfits arrive. Can they save everyone from this enigma?

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The Bygones gather & watch the newcomers wrestle with what Shakespeare recognizes as a primitive script. MarkTwain joins Shakespeare in his effort, but as they read “Oh mother why be rude when you could be nude” Poe and Joyce stroke out. Will they succeed?

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“I knew it” says Freud. “Nudity—mothers—I tried to warn them, but do they listen? Nooo.”

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As the final deadline bears down, Shakespeare and Twain throw down their pen to settle a dispute over what constitutes “quality student writing.”

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As the Bygones whisk James Joyce and Edgar Allan Poe away to seek specialized miniature medical treatment. Out of nowhere, Poe begins screaming deliriously “Help my poor soul!”

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Nobody sees what Poe sees. . .Newton and Beethoven making their move. As they move into position the two let their motives finally be known! “Mustached miscreants!”

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Tesla sees the danger and builds a teleportation device! Einstein gathers some of the leftover material from the Manhattan Project.

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At the last moment before the BBQ sauce can be weaponized Einstein and his device are teleported into position thwarting the shaven scoundrels.

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To quote EleanorRoosevelt, “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” The Bygones take this a bit too literally as they scientifically test this theory out by sun brewing the unmustached meanies, thus ending Series 1.

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About Bygones: Secret Affairs of Interoffice Figurines

It’s not the best title I’ve ever come up with, but I think it’s befitting what it is. Each of these figurines represent an icon from some bygone era, and they live currently in my office (and used to live in the office of my colleague, friend, and mentor, Mike Levy).

This April marked the one year anniversary of Mike’s sudden passing. To say he is greatly missed would be an understatement. When I was a new father and struggling with sleep deprivation, Mike was the one who asked — “so how’re you doing?” After I spilled my guts, he smiled, leaned forward, and said — “Let me tell you about baby Miriam” (his own daughter). Mike had a way of providing levity and perspective on the difficult days, and introduced whimsy when some of us were taking life too seriously.

Over the past year, these figures moved mischievously around my office–particularly when I was missing Mike’s counsel and camaraderie. This series of–whatever this is–is my way of sharing with you all, who Mike Levy was, and what knowing him has meant to me. I think he would approve.